What a year we have all experienced so far.
I think the most interesting part to all that has happened, is that it is hitting on such a large scale all at once. I stress all the time that life is always happening and people are always weathering some kind of storm, experiencing different seasons of life at different times.
Right now, we are all facing storms at the same time...like...big ones.
With that being said, it has had me in even more reflection modes than usual. Why are we here? What purpose do we serve? Is this punishment? Is this all a test? What truly matters most? Will we make it out alive? Am I doing enough?
Has anyone else felt this way?
I'm sure you had goals you had set at the beginning of the year. I'm sure this was another year that you said, "This is MY year."
Then....Pop Quiz! Life. Happens.
There are so many struggles we face. There are so many emotions we've experienced in such a short amount of time.
...So what does this all mean? What do we do right now?
Well...taking a look back to all of the "ugly" moments I have experienced throughout my life and thinking of all of the different plans I had that clearly went a completely different direction, I've realized that something bigger has always stepped in.
No matter your age, we are all like children in some way...constantly learning new things, facing new problems and wondering "what if.."
Wherever you are at in your journey right now, I'm sure it's safe to say that you are living a completely different life than you ever expected. You've overcome some heavy shit that you never thought you'd ever have to face. You're still trying to deal with some things you never knew you would ever have to work through. You're triggered by those moments and memories...sometimes every now and then....and some of those...it's just never seeming to go away.
My life plans?
When I was little, I dreamed of being a hair dresser, have a beautiful wedding, a lot of money and kids running around.
....Then as I got a little bit older, I had a vision of building a home, marriage with who I thought was the love of my life, and following down the path of what he wanted...living a lifestyle I thought was a happy one.
I'll be super transparent with you all when I say that I've went back and forth many of times of what my plans of a successful life looked like, where I was located, who was a part of it....but also an underlying feeling that I wasn't worthy of that picture-perfect life that you see in the movies...knowing something was still missing...
Now, at 29, I'm living in a state I never even imagined I would even visit, have my own coaching business impacting so many lives, working with special needs, still completely and utterly single, with no vision of ever wanting to actually own a large home or potentially have any kids.
As if all of these visions of my own life being drastically different was enough, look at what these last few months have thrown at us. I think it is safe to say none of us saw this coming. None of us expected to be tested, turned and thrown into all that we just have.
So again, what does this all mean?
This deep reflection leads me back to my faith.
God. Stepped. In.
Whether we choose to keep it super simple and compare our own life goals from when we were six and what they are now, or look on a much larger scale of how we see the world and the people in it, something much bigger than us took over.
Life can be so unfair. Life can be so magical. Life can seem...so...confusing.
If you really let yourself go there, it is crazy to think what our actions and lack of actions lead to.
Think of how much you've tried to control and still...something comes flying out of left field and completely changes the game.
God. Stepped. In.
Someone once told me, you can't connect the dots looking forward. It is only when you have went through the experience that you can make sense of why it all happened how it did. Some may never even choose to connect the dots.
But still....He. Stepped. In.
More times than not, it takes really challenging and ugly things to happen for us to truly appreciate what we have. Even then, after awhile, we forget those painful things and get comfortable...forgetting to count those blessings we once dramatically grasped onto.
...So then God steps in. He positions us into the storm, waiting to see what we will do.
Will we trust Him? Will we weather the storm?
Will we blame? Will we love? Will we act? Will we do nothing?
The truth is...we have zero way of knowing what tomorrow will bring. We think we know good until something great comes along. We think we know bad until the worst shows up.
My point to all of this is that no matter where you are and what you're doing, there is always so much more to the picture than we are even capable of seeing. With that being said, I choose to share this story with you all because although my very vague visions of where my life would be and is, there's one single thing this particular time of reflection is tugging at my heart to speak upon.
I grew up knowing God...believing in God.
I experienced multiple times when I lost God, blamed God, questioned His existence and even walked away from God. The crazy thing, however, He was always there.
...and now...more than ever, I've listened to Him and put a lot of energy into my relationship with Him.
The closer I get to Him, the more I feel the genuine feeling of love and what love means.
Being able to love those who can't love me back, doing for those who cannot do anything for me in return and most importantly, loving those that I don't feel "deserve it."
It's easy to love those that we get along with and have spent a lot of time with.
The real test and the most genuine form of love...is pouring the love and prayers into those that cannot even find it within them to love themselves...
Those who hurt us and do us wrong.
This doesn't mean we have to "like" the person, but it's to bleed for them.
Think of it this way...the most broken and hurting people are typically the ones who are doing the most breaking and hurtful things.
If they can't even love and be nice to themselves, why in the world would they choose to love and be nice to others? If they are destructive in their own home, what makes you think they wouldn't destroy yours?
So let's take those same people...hurting deep inside...hurting others....
Now those they hurt start to inflict even more hurt and hate onto them by treating them the same way in return...
What do you think is the likelihood that this particular individual will finally be like, "Hey! Ya know what! I think I feel a whole lot better now and I see why I should love right now!"
....are ya pickin up what I'm puttin' down?
To me, it just doesn't make sense.
So...I feel that God steps in.
I believe that the bigger the storm, the larger the rainbow.
So...what can we learn from all that has happened?
Choose to take this as you feel you should....Whether "happened" to you means in this last month, the last six months, five years, twenty years, or even longer.
Let's start connecting the dots. Let's really evaluate what life means to us. What does it feel like to be loved? What does it feel like to love others? What does it feel like to look back on what did or didn't happen?
If you have a relationship with God, when have you sat in silence to see how He as stepped in during your life? What will you thank Him for today and how will you love more the way that God loves?
If you do not have a relationship with Him, while you are here on this earth, do you want to be loved? Do you want to give love? Have you found ways to choose love? Maybe it would be worth learning more of God and what God's love is all about.
With Love and Gratitude,