It's been awhile since my last post. Life has thrown many pop quizzes my way and it just didn't feel like the right time to share this experience with you all until now.
To catch up on some things, it's crazy how life positions us to grow through situations and face new obstacles. In my opinion, even when it sucks, this is where some massive development and character-building takes place. These last few weeks have definitely done just that.
At my last speaking event, someone from the audience had asked me a question that took me a moment before I could respond. The gentleman asked, "How do you know when you have completely healed from a situation? How can you tell the difference between blocking out the situation and being healed from it?"
Go ahead and take a second to think about that for a moment...
What a great question.
So frequently, we are told to get over it, move on, or stop letting it control you.
I can tell you a few things that come to mind when that is the response one gives, but I will choose to share my perception instead.
I don't believe that emotional healing is as concrete as the healing of say, something like a paper cut.
I don't believe that a situation you have experienced will ever fully go away. I believe healing just means the wound no longer controls you or brings you constant pain or bleeding.
You see, as we carry on our journey of life, situations may cause a trigger that will remind of us of that wound. It may not cause us the same emotion it did in the past. It may wound us in a different way than it did before.
We hold onto these things because that is our body's way of protecting us from a potential situation of harm similar to that experience. It's our alert system that warns us of danger approaching.
Like I said, emotional healing is not allowing the situation to consume you.
-BUT this does not mean that you have to stop feeling or that you aren't "over it" if it comes up again.
The key is to be mindful of the situation and allow yourself to assess the situation as best as you can.
It's the balancing of it all....The nature of the beast.
Embrace the emotion. Grieve the emotion. Overcome the emotion.
Denying that emotion is how we avoid the situation and prevent 'healing,' in my opinion. If something breaks and you mask the problem with duct tape, that broken item is eventually going to fall apart all over again sooner or later. You didn't actually fix it.
I always state this and I still fully believe it to be true, we always have a choice and we can only control what we can control. We don't have to have life figured out and we damn sure cannot determine what exactly tomorrow will bring, but we do have the opportunity to make a choice in every moment.
Do the best you can with what you can.
Grieve how you must. Grow as you go.
How I suggest healing through these moments is to sit back and take some time to yourself. I like to phrase this is as "clean out your attic" (aka...sort out your thoughts and feelings about those thoughts).
For anyone currently weathering any storms of their own, ride it out.
Sunshine will follow the rain. Don't feel like there is something wrong with you if you just aren't ready to "be over it" just yet. Heal on your own terms and take it one moment at a time. De-clutter those thoughts, pour them out on paper, and give yourself the opportunity to acknowledge what it is that you are feeling and going through. Use this time to really get to know yourself.
The biggest key here is to be mindful in these character-building moments...in these storms.
It's okay to feel lost, sad, angry, hurt, broken, tired, and defeated. Take the time that you need but make sure you are in control of your emotions and not lashing out on those around you. Remember the difference between right and wrong. Treat others how you would want to be treated and always show up with love, compassion and understanding. Acknowledge what it is that you are feeling and hurt if you must, but control it enough to not inflict pain or harm to those around you in the process.
Also, be strong enough to express to those around you what it is that you are feeling and ask them for patience with you while you grow through this experience.
Grieve how you need and don't feel bad if you just feel like the day is running you.
Embrace that feeling and take it day by day. You are not required to have it all figured out. Just trust that everything will work out and that this too shall pass.
Make the choice to try your best and stay positive.
Don't forget to still be grateful for what you DO have in this moment... in your life... but don't beat yourself up if you just need a moment and have some of those dark clouds hovering you.
We all our walking our own paths and how you heal from a situation will not be the same as the person next to you. Keep this in mind as well when those around you are facing their own storms.
And lastly, always always remember, storms do not
last forever. Remain ready and hopeful for that rainbow after the storm.
With love and gratitude,
*And as always, if there is clarity you are seeking or assistance you are needing with your own healing and shifting of beliefs, book a complimentary Discovery Call with me at the link below.