Think of where you are right now...Did you ever think in a million years this is where you would be? That this is what life would be like?
Whether you are currently in a low space or on cloud nine, you have to admit, the journey is pretty freakin' wild and definitely ever-changing.
I've shared some of my story in the past, but I want to dig in a little deeper for you. As always, the intention behind my blog posts is to inspire you, motivate you, or give you something to ponder on...hopefully impacting you to make a change and become a better version of you than you were before reading.
Alright, so...I'm going to keep this brief because I don't want to bore you with all of the details, but I want to create the initial image that Jayme once had of herself and the way she viewed this world.
I came from a toxic upbringing, broken family and had MAJOR self-esteem issues. If I'm being honest with you all, I've actually blocked out much of my childhood. I never felt like I was enough. I was the angry child that lashed out all the time. I was selfish and was always hurting people. I was a miserable human being. I always poured my energy into people who were just as messed up as I was...desperate to feel loved. When I finally would act out of love, that love was given to people who would only destroy me even more.
I used to live in the phrase of, "I bent over backwards for this person until I broke...but I found a new way to bend and they broke me again."
Another phrase I lived by was, "My dignity got left at the bottom of the bottle."
I hated myself. I didn't believe in me. I compared myself to everyone, lived as a victim in all situations and didn't even know what I was here for...
I didn't offer anything special to this world. No one cared if I was here. I was always just a convenience for people and when I wasn't needed any longer, I was tossed to the side like a dirty, wet rag.
I never felt like I was good at anything. I was just some average person...taking up space in a world that many saw with such opportunity. Everyone was living a life that I desperately wanted...Why couldn't I just have that life? Why was I stuck with the life I had? Can't I just have her body? Her job? Her significant other? Her lifestyle? I always felt like an outsider...like I was alone and no one understood me...little did I know, I didn't even understand or know myself.
So life continued to happen.
I'll be real with you all...I tried taking my life multiple times.
Lost. Broken. I was misunderstood and hated that I didn't think the way everyone else around me did. I never wanted to share the real version of me because that's not how everyone else acted...and if I wanted their life, I couldn't act like Jayme.
I wore a mask. God blessed me with a ridiculous amount of energy and a loud voice. I knew how to manipulate a room...I could lift everyone up...and I could powerfully destroy them as well.
BUT-I always managed to still show up way more fun and bubbly than I ever really recognized until recent.
So to wrap up this vision of "Broken Jayme," I had zero belief that I was capable of doing anything in this world. I didn't believe in the number one person I should have...myself.
...yet there was always a super small spec of hope in my heart...
So to fast forward, life continued to throw some hard punches, as it typically does. Because of that, I became REALLY good at running. When things got hard, scary or were just too much, I ran. I'd avoid hurt and risk at all costs. Guards were standing extremely tall and weren't budging for nothin'!
My running led me to leave my home town area. I was introduced to some pretty cool people that taught me how to invest in myself. I started understanding that I had to face my own self and that if I wouldn't even put the time, money and energy to become better, I wasn't going to get any better.
I grew closer to my faith...and little by little...the confidence started to grow. I was kinda liking who I was all of a sudden. I started finding interest in new things. I became addicted to personal growth and exploring more into the depths of my own soul.
...But I was still so lost. I never knew my "why."
So because I didn't know what I wanted or what I was good at, I was easily sucked into what everyone else wanted for me. One thing I have always been is a hard worker. I show up 150% or not at all. There has never been a middle ground on that for me.
So I started busting my ass for everyone else. Yes, I learned a lot. Yes, I started to see success...but it never felt like it to me. It was never fulfilling. It didn't mean a whole lot to me but everyone else was happy, so I made myself believe I was happy.
My "why" became their "why."
My passion always matched theirs...and instead of wanting to celebrate, I chose to just work towards the next goal...asking them what I had to do next.
In all honesty, my satisfaction and comfort came from someone believing in me...because I still wasn't able to fully believe in my self and recognize my own potential.
...and because of growing up and always being called, "Selfish," I felt guilty to go after what I wanted. It was wrong to make it about me. How dare I be happy for me...It is my job to make everyone else happy.
And still...little by little...that spec of self-belief was continuing to grow...
I cried a lot. I got trapped in some very dark places. I made some massive mistakes. I lost a lot of friends. I gained some pretty cool connections. I continued to learn me...what worked for me and what didn't....what mattered to me and what didn't. I gained a lot of experience and tried a lot of new things. I had bounced around to all sorts of different jobs.
I got used by a lot of people...but I learned so much because of it.
I was left disappointed and stranded by a lot of different people...it taught me how to stand on my own two feet. It made me dig deep and tell the world to punch me harder...because I knew I could handle it...even if I did complain the whole time!
I chose to start viewing all of these experiences as a lesson instead of a punishment. I recognized it all as the "conditioning phase" for what lied ahead.
Then, I started to really become more confident in who I was. I really started to stand up for what I believed in. I started not to hold back from the fire inside of me and the voice of Jayme that had something to say. I started to spew my love and passion EVERYWHERE.
Holy...shit...I think I kinda love who I'm becoming...
I kinda sorta think...that maybe...just maybe...I am made to do way more than I have ever realized...
Then, when adversity started to hit, I began to bounce back even quicker.
I started taking risks and trust that I would not fall completely flat on my face...and if I did, I would find a way to dust myself off and get back up.
I started making massive leaps that made me want to vomit...leaps so big, it felt like a complete dream.
I started to fall in love with the journey. I loved what I was experiencing. I stepped into my true self and just kept leaping. Life speed start accelerating out of control and changes were thrown at me CONSTANTLY.
...So never in a million years, did I EVER think I would be where I am now.
And even within this last year, there were some major dark times that had me thinking it was all over. Although some of those moments had me down for the count for longer than I would have preferred, it was worth every second.
If you are still reading this, know that whether you are at an all-time low or are on cloud nine, YOU are capable and deserving of what that spec is saying to you deep within.
...You just have to be willing to believe in yourself and believe that it is possible.
To sum it all up, I cannot say there was ever one clicking moment when it all fell into place. It just kept building over time. I will say, however, there are some major steps I highly recommend you take to believing in yourself...
Step One : Be real and vulnerable with yourself.
- Take yourself to that space to recognize that where you are now and what you're doing now isn't working.
Step Two : Surround yourself with people and situations that make you better and leave you feeling better about yourself.
-Stop making excuses and justifying why you aren't spending your time in these two areas.
Step Three : Invest in yourself. If you are willing to start spending the money, time and energy into your well-being, you will start to believe that you are worth believing in because YOU yourself, are willing to invest in you...so that's a major recognition in your self-belief.
-Read books and listen to podcasts on personal development. Hire a coach. Find mentors. Learn new things. Experience new places.
Step Four : Start acknowledging who you are becoming.
-Give gratitude to what you have.
-Share thanks to those who believe in you.
-State affirmations in the mirror to yourself DAILY on what you deserve, that you are worthy and that you are capable of all that you set your heart and mind to.
Step Five : Self-reflect and celebrate.
-Recognize how far you've come.
-CELEBRATE how far you've come.
-Start to put more emphasis on where you are going and what you are worthy of accomplishing.
Step Six : Take time to sit and listen to your inner voice and what it's trying to tell you.
Step Seven (and this is one of my favorite pieces of advice to give) :
Live. Learn. Grow. Repeat.
....and above all...BELIEVE.
With Love, Gratitude and Belief,
If you are needing assistance in your journey and are ready to step into this exhilarating realm for YOU, message me or go to my website and book your discovery call today!
Now is the time to start believing in you.