I've noticed that the longer I go in between blogs, the more profound they seem to be when the time finally feels right to share with you all.
Life for me has been just about as consistent as weather time in Ohio...and for all of my Ohio folks, you know that means there is no rhyme or reason whatsoever to what the weather decides to do throughout the day, let alone the week!
Although I'm very grateful, life has been everything but dull, consistent or easy lately.
Life has presented itself with multiple avenues and opportunities. It has left me curious to find out "what's behind door #3," empowered to try and ride down all routes at once (which I quickly burnt out and realized wasn't possible), and has left me in more fear than I think I have ever felt in my life.
I'm either insanely good at making them or insanely terrible at making them.
This current crossroad I have encountered has had me literally freeze in my tracks and just completely shut down in every area of my life.
Have you ever experienced this? Being presented multiple options at the same time, all that seem to have just as equal of pros as they do cons?
Pray about? Yup, sure did.
Seek advice from those around me that I love and trust the most? Of course I did.
Listen to my heart? She is more confused than my mind is.
Go with my gut? umm...she has been telling me all sorts of random *ish that I don't even know which way is left! I'm second guessing even the simplest of decisions!
I even got desperate and downloaded an app of a pros and cons list that also breaks that list down into a points system to help that list be even more accurate to make the decision.
....57% to 43%. Um... yeah...that doesn't feel too certain to me.
I truly can say that I have always been pretty good at feeling if something didn't sit right with me. Both options scared the shit out of me....which left me excited to want to plunge into them both.
Both options required major sacrifice...Those that I could justify figuring out a way to handle despite how much it would hurt.
I was able to visualize such amazing things to come from both scenarios.
***I think positive enough to know that no matter what, I won't fail. I will just learn from it.
Alright... Which decision would I regret making or not making?
Yet another hard idea for me to imagine. I express to people around me all the time that I can honestly look back at my life and not regret a single thing that has happened to me. I wouldn't be who I am today had I not experienced that good and all of the plenty of bad.
So now what?
I must say I am super blessed to have such supportive and patient people in my circle because the emotional roller coaster I have been on has been absolutely ridiculous. One moment, I'm feeling good about the decision I'm going to make. The next, I am crying my eyes out saying there is no way I can do this. Then, all of a sudden, "Imposter Syndrome" creeps in and I'm feeling like a failure, unworthy and as if I am useless in this world.
What. In. The. World. Is. Happening. To. Me?!?!
Now all of a sudden I'm feeling guilty because just a few years ago, I would have killed to be in the position I am right now. I worked my ass off for this so why would I feel like I'm unworthy?!? Now, I'm feeling like shit because things could be soooo much worse!
So currently, I'm not even allowing myself to validate my own feelings...UGHHH!!!!
...We all face adversity.
We all face difficult decisions everyday.
So, one quick side note before I move on to this story...
*Just because things aren't absolutely terrible and just because it isn't the worst thing that could happen to you, it doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to feel what you're feeling! It's great to tell yourself it could always be worse to remind yourself of what it is you have to be grateful for, but it is also just as important to be real with yourself and allow yourself to feel bad for a moment.
Per usual, don't stay marinating in that pity party sauce, but also make sure that you allow yourself the opportunity to feel what you feel.
I use this analogy frequently:
When a dog has a belly ache, it is normal for him/her to eat grass. This will force them to throw up which is what their body is wanting them to do to get whatever out of their system that is upsetting their stomach.
Recognize your feels. When something doesn't feel right, acknowledge it. Then, eat that grass to throw that shit up and get it out of your system!
Okay, back to the story...
I finally just ripped the band aid. I made a decision. I wrote it down and next to it, even wrote "FINAL DECISION."
Yeah...well then not even 24 hours, I would cross that out and switch the decision I made.
Alright, cool. I'm good now. Phew.
Ope....wait...nope! Something new happened throughout the day and I take that as my "Sign from God" that I'm not supposed to make this decision. Changed it again.
Ope! God is telling me this is the right decision.
Oh my gosh... I just can't get this figured out! Time is going too slow and something just needs to give! Get here already so I don't have to keep changing my mind!!!
....So what do you do when you can't make a decision? What if this ruins everything? What if this makes me miss my opportunity? What if I wasn't supposed to choose that route?
Okay, guys. Let's get to the conclusion.
I'm still not fully certain if I've made the right decision.
...but here is what you need to know.
We will NEVER know which is the correct or incorrect decision. Ya know why? Because life always has it's way of working out no matter what. We can fantasize all day long and create this story of "what could have been," OR we can choose to create a story of what will be and what can be with the actually story that lies in front of us.
Just make the decision.
If it was the wrong one, guess what? You learned from it.
If it was the "right" one, you will still experience turbulence and have shit to work through.
Life is going to happen either way, so you might as well choose to be fully invested into whatever it is that is happening instead of spending all of your energy on what didn't or isn't happening.
In the end, it will all be okay...as long as you commit to keep going.
Make the decision. Just show up. Every. Single. Day.
Embrace the bad, cherish the good, and stay optimistic to what is coming. What's meant to be will always find its way to you.
Know what you are worth and what you deserve, but do not limit yourself to your own expectation. I say this because I experienced it. I can honestly express that God has blessed me with people and experiences that I never even would have imagined happening even a year ago, let alone ten years ago.
Trust. The. Process.
Make. That. Decision.
Just choose and commit.
My final analogy to leave you with...
Haunted houses. I love them. Roller coasters. I love them. For those of you that can relate, how does it feel? You make the choice to show up...
You stand in that long line...anticipating what you are about to experience. You're excited. You get distracted by the conversation while waiting and almost forget what it is you are about to do.
You are about to walk in to that haunted house or step onto that ride...
All emotions creep in. Eagerness. Expectation. Fear.
You second guess going in or stepping on...It's too late to turn around...you've committed.
Then, you enter the haunted house or the ride begins.
Absolute exhilaration kicks in.
You exit the haunted house. The ride comes to a stop.
How did it feel? Was it worth it? Are you glad you didn't back out? Will you do it again?
Just do it.
Enjoy the journey and remember, what's meant to be will always find it's way to you.
As always, thank you for taking the time to read my post! If you are struggling to create fulfillment and happiness in your life, let me help guide you! Click the link below to schedule your Discovery Call TODAY!
With SO Much Love and Gratitude,