We all are adjusting and trying to figure out how to push through this storm of quarantine that has impacted every one of our lives. ...But I want to dedicate this to the individual having to do it completely solo. ...There's no significant other, family member or child around to annoy you...There's no one around to even have a face to face conversation with...There's no one to cuddle up to at night... Everyone is experiencing this as a tough situation in some way, shape or form...but again. This is for you. The one in complete isolation. I feel you. There's only so much distraction you can rely on through social media, face times, work loads, and even playing with your pet- if you even have that. Loneliness has hit a whole new level. I'm sure there has been some nasty, NASTY things you have said to yourself. You've questioned your worth even more so than you did prior to this. You've imagined what this quarantine would be like if you just had someone you loved to be trapped in isolation with. For some, you may have family nearby. For others, your closest friends and family are miles and miles away. You've told yourself that no one cares...no one understands what you're going through and that you'll never matter. I mean, after all, it's just you. You don't have a reminder of your "why." You don't have a family to support, a child to raise or a significant other to experience it with...so what does it matter? Again...if any of you reading this are fitting this mold...trust me, I get it. But I'm going to share with you how you're going to survive this...and not only survive, but use this time to thrive. Do you trust me? Are you willing to make me a promise that you will fully open yourself up to this? This is a battle that you are not in alone, but it's going to take for you to dig EXTREMELY deep and stick through this with me, okay? This is going to be an intense battle. Step One : Take Yourself There Feel it. Write it all down. Vent out every emotion you're feeling. Pull all of those nasty thoughts and phrases you are saying to yourself onto paper. Allow yourself to actually be aware of what those thoughts are. Then, go back and read them. Are those facts? Can you honestly read those back to yourself and say that everything that you are telling yourself is 100% true? Is there even but one person that would be able to prove you wrong if you were to say it to them? And secondly...if a friend or someone you cared about were to say that about themselves, what would you say to them? Give yourself a moment to embrace what you feel but recognize how much those phrases are complete bull shit. You KNOW you matter. You KNOW people care. You KNOW there's a piece inside of you...even if it is just a small piece... that believes you deserve better than what you just wrote down on that paper....and not just believe but KNOW you deserve more than those lies! Step Two : Write Down Three Truths Now that you are starting to recognize that much of those yucky feels were just lies, write down three truths. Even if you don't fully believe these three truths just yet, remember, you're talking yourself into those lies, so let's start creating your truth. Write down three positive and powerful phrases and plaster that shit everywhere. Post it up on your bathroom mirror, stick it on your fridge, save it as the background on your laptop and phone, write it on your hand, leave it on your counter. Post that shit EVERYWHERE. Every time you see it, read it out loud. Look in the mirror and say it...like really say it. Keep repeating until you 100% believe it.
Step Three : Don't Rely On Alcohol And Food As Your Coping Mechanism This one is important. I'm not saying that you can't find comfort in a glass of wine, some pizza, cake or whatever your food or drink of choice is. What I'm saying is, don't allow yourself to sulk into a binging phase. Many of the dark thoughts you share with yourself come from a place that has to do with your appearance, motivation, confidence and self worth. Alcohol is a depressant so although it may numb you temporarily, the aftermath is going to amplify every single negative thought you've ever told yourself. The same goes with food. The comfort food always leaves us feeling sluggish and unmotivated. Now you will just want to keep eating. Now, you will begin the downward spiral of gaining weight and not even being able to like the person you see in the mirror. Again, this will amplify the dark thoughts and feelings you have towards yourself...only making matters worse. Step Four : Don't Fantasize On What Could Have Been You're going to find ways to bash yourself and in these moments of missing the comfort in having someone, you're going to blame yourself for something you shouldn't even be entertaining... and now, you'll start feeling hopeful that this moment is the perfect moment to reach out to an ex. I promise you. It's not. Again, in straight isolation, lies seem to be supercharged so much more than our truths. When you hit this moment, go back to Step Two. Step Five : Drop Your Pride And Reach Out This one is a doozy. Everyone has their own demons they're dealing with. Remember that you don't have the best interest of every single person that matters to you as your number one priority, every second of everyday. Those friends, family members, colleagues, etc., they aren't mind readers. If you are feeling lonely, if you are in a dark space, if you need something, you HAVE to reach out. Stop letting the lies make you believe that they don't care, they don't understand or that they are too busy or have too much going on to be there for you. They don't have to fully understand what you're going through for them to love and care for you...but believe me when I tell you that despite how shitty you feel inside, you're putting on a far better act than you realize. Stop expecting everyone to reach out to you. Stop telling yourself that that's how people will prove they care. Reach out and tell them you aren't in a good headspace. Share with them that you're feeling lonely. Ask them to talk with you about literally anything. But you've gotta get out of your own way. People want to help...you just have to let them. So now, there's one final part of all of this that I want to share with you. ....This is the good stuff. This is where YOU have the upper hand to truly thrive during this quarantine! Have you actually acknowledged the advantages to being in quarantine straight up solo dolo?! Well let me just share some of the ways!!!
-No kids to annoy you, distract you, dirty your house. -No one to interrupt your tv show, work, or eat all of your groceries. -No one to fight with. -No one to wake you from your nap, keep you up late or judge you for how you're going about your day. -No one to use up all of your toilet paper or fight over the bathroom with. -You don't have to talk to someone if you don't feel like it. -You don't have to spend your day around toxic people that make you feel like shit. **This especially goes to the people whose past relationships were from people being unfaithful or were just straight up, super toxic. ***Because let's be real, if you were that miserable with someone who would fight with you, do things behind your back or make you question your worth, can you even IMAGINE how much worse it would be if you couldn't escape them at all in this situation?! And lastly....this is my favorite and most important one... Although it sucks to sit in silence and fall into the darkest of thoughts, you have no distractions from truly facing the number one person you need to face...and that's YOU! No one is around to get in your way for you to fully embrace everything that you are, everything you are capable of, everything you desire! You can truly learn to love and enjoy yourself...really getting to know YOU on an entirely different level. What are some qualities of yourself that need some work? What are some habits that need to change? What things truly fill your cup? What really matters most to you? What lights you up inside? Who do you want to be? You get to focus on all of this....completely for YOU! Do you know how incredible this is!? Do you know how much stronger you're about to be?! DO YOU KNOW HOW UNSTOPPABLE YOU'RE ABOUT TO BECOME?! Use it. I'm not telling you it's going to be easy...but I'm betting every ounce of my being that it will be worth it! So make me a promise...make YOURSELF the promise to live and tell about the epic battle you conquered in the Quarantine of 2020! ...and lastly...if this empowered you and spoke to you on any level...please do me the favor by passing this survival guide on to the next man or woman that needs to see this. We've gotta stick together! With So Much Love and Gratitude, Coach Jayme