It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…
What a crazy flippin year. This year had brought some major heartache, some major accomplishments, major changes and many mishaps.
Now for those of you that know me, I don’t believe in the hype of New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Resolutions. I also don’t believe we should try and sum up a year as bad or good. 365 days is a long time with many good and bad days that can be reflected upon.
One thing I will say is that a New Year gives us the perfect excuse to decide to start something new or fresh. So with that being said, I’m going to get vulnerable and share with you my 2019 reflection and start to hopefully encourage you all along the way as I paint out my viewpoint and outlook for 2020.
This year brought me some major success with my financial business and I was able to gain the courage right away in January of 2019 to delicately end some business partnerships that just didn’t seem to be giving me near the energy that it was taking from me.
During this time, I had also went through some major ups and downs with some other relationships personally that left me confused and broken, yet because of past lessons and healing, I was able to carry myself with strength and maturity and find ways to be understanding-even if deep down I really didn’t feel it was deserved.
With that kind of a kick-start to the year, it positioned me to put my head down and just focus on what I had to do for myself and those lives around me that I wanted to impact.
I began to celebrate myself more.
This was one of the first times I had ever actually allowed myself to acknowledge what all I had overcome in my life and where it was that I was truly capable of heading. I had earned many certificates for not only my financial business, but also throughout my coaching business. I had reflected on all of the titles, licenses and certifications that I’ve obtained in totality so far in my life and have continued to obtain.
I had some awful nightmares that brought back some painful events in my life back to surface. It forced me to relive it all over again and I was able to impact lives and give myself the opportunity to heal from things I never allowed myself to deal with.
I rekindled some relationships and opened my heart. I allowed myself to forgive and to trust again.
I learned how to love myself even more…which looking back even 4 years, it was at like a level 0 and had already grown tremendously. I started taking myself on dates. I started fully embracing time with myself in silence…which I never used to be able to handle. Coach Jayme back in the day, trapped in silence with her own thoughts...was no bueno.
I reached a new level of happiness. I had worked my booty off and realized I hadn’t really ever allowed myself to “stop and smell the roses.”
I had the best birthday ever, with my first experience in another country. This is where I fully released some massive blockages at a yoga retreat with a group of complete strangers. It sparked a new fire within me. It opened my eyes to what I wanted to do moving forward.
I gave back… a lot. I worked with grieving children dealing with death of loved ones, I helped push forth a movement of inclusion between special needs and non-special needs. I was able to be a part of the launch of Competitive Cheer for Special Olympics at the Summer Olympic Games. Throughout all of this, it taught me how to ask for help, how to ask better questions and how amazingly supportive this world really is when you latch onto the right people. It also proved to me that life is so much better when it isn’t about you, but what you can do for those around you.
Life threw some financial blows and difficulties my way. It left me stranded and not knowing what to do. It left me scared…vulnerable…and led to a broken heart. The stress had defeated me. The negativity got the best of me.
…and guess what? I marinated in my pity party sauce…for a long time.
Far too long, actually.
Then, I had decided it was time to leave that pity party. I threw myself back into work mode.
I hit some major goals I had set for myself and was able to pull off a surprise of getting one of my favorite people in the whole world certified to teach Zumba with me.
We catapulted a massive movement. We had so much fun and this individual taught me so much and brought me so much value.
Then, an opportunity arose.
I turned it down.
Not once, but twice.
I broke again. I spent a lot of time focusing on things that were out of my control. This caused me to freeze…which then led to me falling into another unfortunate situation.
God pulled me back up.
The opportunity presented itself the third time.
I had to say goodbye to so much.
I left so much behind.
I took a massive leap.
I gave away all my stuff, taking only what would fit in my car. I signed a lease on a place in an area I had never been before literally a week before moving to this un-visited area.
I had my dog. I had my faith. That’s it.
I took on a new role, in a completely new world ten hours away from the only life I had ever known.
I was so excited. I felt so exhilarated. I had no idea where I was or what I was doing but I was loving every minute of it.
Until…some major things shifted. Many series of unfortunate events unfolded.
This led to major heartache. This caused major guilt. I felt regret. I blamed myself.
Confused…broken…yet still so welcoming of what the new life offered ahead of me.
It’s almost as if I was on some drug…everything had happened all at once. I felt so high and yet so so low…feeling so alone, yet feeling so at home. It was so strange.
These unfortunate events are not ones for me to share at this point in time and would lead to others’ business being shared as well so I will not expose any of that, but it definitely is something that is very fresh on my heart even still in this very moment.
So to wrap up 2019, it was a major learning experience along with much exciting and unexpected turns.
2019 taught me how to love deeper and freely, remain insanely open-minded and to trust the process. I’ve learned to take things moment by moment and to choose to see the lesson and light in every and all situations…even the most painful.
With that being said, I am grateful. I’m uncertain. I’m growing.
…I’m here in this moment. I’m here to tell you that everything will be okay. I’m here to tell you that I am up to some major things that will soon speak louder than I can. Big things are coming and I am very grateful for your support and encouragement.
It is with love and serious emotion that I kiss 2019 goodbye and welcome 2020 with an open mind and an open heart.
For those of you feeling lost and broken or motivated and confident…I’m here to support you. I’m here to help in any way that I can. Our greatest tests are what become our biggest testimonies and THAT is what this journey of life is all about. Embracing it all…the good and the bad-the best of times and the worst of times.
My opening advice to 2020:
“Take what you need and leave the rest.”
Take what you need from your past to help you have a better future. Leave the rest in the past so it cannot weigh you down from the mountains you are meant to move.
Cheers to 2020. I’m ready for you.
With Love and Vulnerability,